I was teaching a Red Cross fire safety workshop to some cub scouts at a local park. It was an incredibly hot day (heat index over 100), and those of us leading the various instructional sessions in the park had to stay put as the cub scout groups rotated among us. My co-teachers had brought folding lawn chairs, and we took advantage of every opportunity to rest and drink water between groups. At the hottest part of the afternoon, I collapsed into my chair once again, but this time, it buckled beneath me. Once I got over the initial shock and confirmed I wasn’t injured, I started laughing, because all I could think was “FINALLY! I earned my Broke Chair badge!”
Category: Broke Chair, Don’t Care
Butt 1, Interior Design 0
I was at an event at a friend’s house, a friend whose wife is a fancy interior designer and whose house is designed at every turn. The guest bathroom has a marble and copper basin to wash your hands. and a specialized toilet with a seat apparently not rated for my specialized ass, because it cracked when I sat on it.
No one should design a toilet seat that doesn’t support quite a bit of weight. I was brave enough to let my friend know right away rather than let her discover the broken toilet later; she was gracious enough to commiserate about its apparent fragileness and not blame my size.
Fat Positive Therapist My Fat Ass!
I went on a web-site to find a fat- positive therapist (body-positive/whatevs). It was a website that lists fat positive providers. So I found one, [Redacted]. I went to my appointment, sat in the waiting room, and watched a thin man exit the door of [Redacted]’s office.
I walked in and saw the usual set-up: chair with therapist in it across from chair for client. I went to go sit in the client chair, and she yelled out, “Don’t sit in that chair! It’s not for people like you!”
Following, an awkward conversation ensued where I was instructed to drag over the Fat Chair.
So, yeah, while I didn’t get to break a chair, I did my best to try! Oh, and I never went back! Now tell me why the fat chair couldn’t have just been for EVERYONE?!
Me 1; lawn Chair Zero
I went mano a mano with a lawn chair at a family party. After I succeeded in flattening it I got another drink and enjoyed the rest of the party, in a MUCH sturdier chair.
Well, Actually I Sexed a Bed to Death…
I’d always approached my new lover’s bed with a practiced wariness given it was both an IKEA frame and a creaky relic from her college years. That particular day, however, I threw caution to the wind and we basically sexed it across the room and back. Well, halfway back — ‘cuz then came that fateful *CRACK* as we both tumbled sideways onto the floor.
I was absolutely mortified but she just laughed and looked rather impressed with our achievement. I called a friend who drove over in her truck and power-tooled it back together again (with a few extra supports) while smirking.
Life is short. Break the furniture.