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Well, Actually I Sexed a Bed to Death…

IKEA furniture is not always up for my sexytime shenanigans. Luckily I know women with power tools.
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My health, Mansplained

Him: "What did you say when they told you you had diabetes?" Me: "Um, I DON'T have diabetes." Him: "...Yet."
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Stranger Soda Censure

Her: "You know that's bad for you, right?" Me: "You know that's none of your business, right?" Her: "But the Universe told me..."
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Taking One for Team Fat

If I'm pissing off conservatives, I'm probably doing something right.
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Will someone please just invent Fatty Airlines, Already?!?

I almost missed out on dating the love of my life because I hated flying so much.
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Full Moon, Mermaid, Butt-Nekkid, Sea Swimming!

I dunked my chunk in the Aegean by moonlight - and then my girlfriend stole my clothes.
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Picked the Wrong Battle – but at least I fought!

I went to Italy and got stared at so much that I finally fought back - except I kinda fought the wrong guy.
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Dude didn’t even hang up his cell phone!

Angry little business man spit at me and yelled at me to get some exercise -- while I was getting some exercise.
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Taking the space I need

I used to curl in on myself on the bus, even when it was empty. Now I take the space I need without apology.
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Like, I’m not even going to tell a story – I just deserve this by default.

Like, I'm not even going to tell a story - I just deserve this by default.
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